you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
