So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
