I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
