I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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