I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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