I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
