just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my poor anus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
