i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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