Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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