Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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