we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
