Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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