She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
