She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
