weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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