he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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