Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize