i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
