I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
