on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
