Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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