Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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