every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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