I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
