Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
