the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
