If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
