nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
