the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
