a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
