Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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