I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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