Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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