I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
