yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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