i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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