Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
