I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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