im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
whose parrot is this?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
