apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize