I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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