i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
soo... how was my night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
