I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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