Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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