Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
