Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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