It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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