Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
