I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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