I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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