This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
