It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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