He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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