two words: eviction party
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
