I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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