I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
