This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
