at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
