Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
