You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
