I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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