Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
