In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
