i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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