i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
