This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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