Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
