so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just high enough for therapy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
