I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
