Can i not drive my cunt home
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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