i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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