The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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