when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The ass gains better be worth it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
