It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
