I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
